The Kidnapping and Mauling of Ike

He sat peacefully on top of a bookshelf in my study for two years, ever since he arrived with the book Dear Mrs. La Rue: Letters From Obedience School.

He was cushy and clean, quiet and innocent. Above all, unmarked. Until the evening when Miro noticed him and, when I wasn't looking, stole him from his perch. It's well known that Airedales, when no one is looking, can magically elongate their bodies to reach unexpected heights or turn into wisps of smoke to escape through the mesh of a crate door, leaving the door closed and latched.


Although the ransom demand was for one large biscuit, the criminal received nothing but a scolding. By the time I rescued Ike, he was disfigured for life, his nose gone (top photo), his beard in slobbery clumps, his head torn open with the brains showing if he had brains (right). While I wept over the ruin of Ike, the criminal shrugged off the entire incident (below).




Planning his next robbery.




Miro believes crime pays, even if briefly.

Crime Report

The Criminal

Evidence #1 (r)

Evidence Close-up

The entire heel is chewed off the orthotic. There are extensive toothmarks in the plastic foundation. The orthotic was declared beyond saving and was sent to its proper resting place while a second one was fashioned.

Evidence of crime #2. A Royal Post package traveled here from England without incident until arrival at its destination brought it to the attention of said criminal.

The package was pried from the Jaws of Death in time. The contents survived intact.